mayseek life


Thursday, August 31, 2006

it's good to be alive..........

on this near perfect weather day, at rosewood beach- just north of chicago, a few fortunate souls are we! my heart is full and i am happy. it brings to mind this moving poem,"So Much Happiness," by Naomi Shihab Nye from Words under the Words (The Eighth Mountain Press).
So Much Happiness
It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.With sadness there is something to rub against, a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.
But happiness floats. It doesn't need you to hold it down.It doesn't need anything.Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,and disappears when it wants to.You are happy either way.Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree houseand now live over a quarry of noise and dust cannot make you unhappy.Everything has a life of its own,it too could wake up filled with possibilities of coffee cake and ripe peaches,and love even the floor which needs to be swept,the soiled linens and scratched records…..
Since there is no place large enough to contain so much happiness,you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you into everything you touch. You are not responsible.You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,and in that way, be known.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

spc- enclosed in a son's hug

he's gone to school again, parting is such sweet sorrow.....Parting, neuropsychologists say, is a stretching of emotional bonds: the sorrow is tinged with the sweetness of the memories.

Friday, August 25, 2006

photo fri- "circle"

doorbells in venice.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

got to start- and stop pausing!

it's happening again....i'm finding anything else to do,but the thing that must be done. the "bills". there are two things i find i hate anticipating- exercising and paying the bills(well, there's also going to the dentist and....) these activities bring up intense emotions, mostly ones of fear and dread. it really is the anticipation, because once i get started these tasks are doable. so, i will attend to a few more diversions (i need to make a comment on this beauty that evoked such a wonderful memory) then crank up my favorite radio station and begin. music is a gift.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

spc- "enclosed in a kaleidoscope"

so many ways to look at things....most days are spent trying to adjust the angles to have peace and love for self and others. many days i am overwhelmed by the infinite choices i have in deciding which view i will accept. there are days too, that i feel the view is set and and i can't change it. this day, i am aware that the days are finite and i will try again.

Friday, August 18, 2006

photo fri- "friends"

my friend, paulus berenson, teacher extraordinaire, upon completion of teaching a class at peters valley craft center in new jersey. he co-taught(with joy s.) a session on journal making and brought magic to the experience as usual. i am fortunate to have been there. paulus is the author of "finding one's way with clay", a gift to anyone interested in creating with clay.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

self portrait -"enclosed" with mother

this image always makes me smile... maya and i during our trip to italy last year. it was such a symbolic moment, when i called her over to enter the picture- it realized the image of my questioning my mothering of her (often) and at the same time praying(on some abstract level) to do the right thing for her. and let me tell you, it goes on..................

Saturday, August 12, 2006

hello darkness my old friend....i've come to talk to you again

there are some days, today was one - that i find myself going very "internal". there is a monologue running almost constantly. usually, like today, my minds voice has taken hold of a piece of an experience i have had in relationship to another person and turns it inside out. because the experience is shared by two unique perspectives, there can be a difference of opinion. this i understand....but for some reason my struggle to communicate in the manner i desire( ie., just like in the dozens of books on communication that line my shelves) reverts back to that of a much younger child. i actually recognize the girl when i think of it....she looks alot like me when i was 13 or so. she tends to believe she is right and gets angry that others don't listen/care/ or don't understand her intention. so thoughout this day i found myself crying on the bathroom floor, cleaning, working, driving maya to the mall all while keeping my monologue going strong. i felt like an angry victim most of the time. i have worked hard to change some behaviors that i know do not serve me in a healthy way....but WTF....when will i get it????? on a happier note, i saw seven shooting stars last night and i will gladly stay up tonight to hopefully see a few more.Click here: Sky & Telescope- Watch for the Perseid Meteors Aug. 11-13 - AOL Research & Learn

Friday, August 11, 2006

photo fri-"four"

four bathing beauties -may they always remember their beauty.
hot day in chicago.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

photo friday-"private"

a private moment, enjoying alone time in the cabin up north.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

welcoming and saying good-bye...

this week has included a "blessing way" shower for a friends daughter. a beautiful celebration, that invited everyone to bring a personal blessing for the baby, which was read as a candle was lit in font of the mother to be. the typical shower event was given a dose of spirit and honored the possibilities of a new life and family. the ritual was adapted from a native american tradition. on friday i attended a funeral service for another friends father....another ritual that really got me thinking. the saying good bye to this man was interesting because it brought to light the different perspectives each of his sons had of him as their father. after witnessing several funerals this year i am beginning to compile some things that i would to happen when it's my turn to go.....

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


as i was minding my own business, sitting at my computer going through some photos, the phone rang. it is quiet in the house and the ring is loud and's a man with a deep voice and he asks for my young son. is nick there? no, he's at work- may i ask whose calling?( what could such a deep voiced man want from my boy?) it was sargent whoever from the u.s. army and he wants to talk to nick to find out his plans after school...what??? he's calling the new seniors at the highschool to find out their plans.....what??? [are you f**#in crazy? my son is trying to find out who he could be in this life-figure out how to relate to others- think about what the possibilities in life are- see what interests him in this great world- find young men and women that are like minded to share experiences with- he just turned 17 for gods sake!he's not even required to register at this time...] nick is planning to go to school, i stammer. thank you ma'am. click. well sargent DO NOT CALL BACK AND ASK FOR MY SONS LIFE- next time my thoughts will fly out first. don't even get me started on this topic!