mayseek life


Monday, February 27, 2006

dreamtime....while awake (spt)

last of the self portrait tues- all of me . this is what happens when maya gets her own camera-there is no place to hide.


Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend........

*after 12 years as a wonderful resturant that was always intriguing-
trio in evanston has closed! our friend henry is now at a mid life cross road.
i trust he will continue to live and work passionately.

*there was sadness at the wake of our neighbor, may his family receive the support they need.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

while i am alive....(self portrait tues)

while my thoughts examine absence
and i get myself stuck in the fearful "what if's"
i take the chance and let the anguish wash over me.
with some unknown force i return to the now.
i have a treasure chest of sensations i draw on-
moments i return to, to rekindle my forward motion.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

exit ( death/ departure from expressway)

maya called from school to tell me her friend andrea's father died last night. she said"it was horrible-he didn't feel well when he was driving home and pulled the time the paramedics got there he was dead." a 13 year old daughter and 15 year old son will grieve, a wife will struggle through this mystery. this has been a year of many parents dying in our school district. my heart aches as i try to keep my fears in balance. i will try to live as though i remember we exit in a given moment. i value this moment.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

-5 degrees.........lake michigan freeze.

after only a few moments outside, i felt frozen- like everything around me. it really is beautiful to behold (from iside a warm car). i am holding on to this moment- but my thoughts anticipate the gentle breeze of a spring day. it won't be long now.........

Friday, February 17, 2006

congratulazioni to susan speaking!

to my dear friend in sunny california........congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
may you be as happy every day as you are today! i have been smiling since you told me of the union and remembered the joy of this sight in venice( really i need little reason to go thru the italy pics)

Monday, February 13, 2006

me and my shadow ...self portrait tues

"The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won't let anyone see, including ourselves---our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life's most urgent projects."
Larry Dossey, M.D., Author of "Healing Wounds" (today i got friendly with my shadow --again.)

Friday, February 10, 2006

before,during and after............

a quick word to express my scatteredness........i will show my claywork at an art festival( this weekend (starts this afternoon!) i am nervous and yet grounded. this experience of showing, wanting to sell, listening to feedback is incredible. it seems as if it really is symbolic for the way i live my life. is it(am i) good enough? will it (will i) be received well? can it(can i) reach anyone? etc...etc it's also a time to put all the tools to use -i give myself the advice i would give my kids-" i can do it; stay present; i have my unique vision to express ".. i have found the value of a meditation practice is the knowing i can stay with my breathe to ease me to the next moment....this is not to say i don't first go crazy! i also really like to ponder the "before" sensations knowing this is temporary and i'll soon be in the "during".

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

here's to the reminder...

i was searching my car for the missing coffee card, and as i ran my hand under the seat i pulled out a small box. it was this wonderful trapp candle. where it came from i don't know... the boys use my car- but this doesn't seem like anything they'd buy. i am not crazy about the scent of tuber rose -so i can't imagine choosing this. however, i lit it and it has filled the house with it's scent. i am reminded of time in mauii and as i try to get through another day of 23 degrees- it is magical. mystery... i am remembering that when i am open i receive what i need!

Monday, February 06, 2006

all of me

self portrait tues for the month of feb is "all of me"....
years ago, i looked back in my mothers history and found a part of me i was searching to claim-i was aware of an emptiness- a missing piece. ironically, it was the same piece she had been running from her whole life. our aboriginal heritage was a heavy shame for her, it is a joy and a part of me that i celebrate! generational denial of my heritage stops for me and my children know all of who they are. identification is a powerful acceptance of "me". i have connected with my family and it has widened the circle of those i share a bloodline with. i believe i am here to honor my grandmother "may" and for a long time i was seeking information on her--i became mayseek.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

shopping misadventures....

shopping can be enjoyable- or it can be miserable. lately, with maya, a tension begins as soon as we enter the store. on a positive note, we love ooooing over jewelry, shoes, or accessories--but when it comes to clothes - i have become the "mother". listen to me--"no, those jeans are too, that top is too short" until we are both worked up and upset. there really are few options offered for the teenager other than these ridiculously low-low-low riding jeans. today was a typical misadventure -- however, we arrive at a place of some compromise(low jeans with tops long enough to meet them). this shopping angst has a deep familiar feeling-- except i am no longer the one doing the sulking, now i am the one laying down the boundary! actually i was feeling ok when leaving until i saw the spring items on display--the denim skirt that is so short that any movement flashes the world. and then i remembered we ended last summer with her crying that she wanted one and i was the only mother that said no!! we can make it through the next few years.......... we can make it....we can make it.....

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

gas station splendor

as i filled the car with gas this morning i was in love with the clouds and how they enhanced the the field of my vision....even at that moment i struggled with the desire for them to stay for ever and knew as they moved that they were fleeting. a short time later i was aware of the car windows reflecting them again to me ...i will try to remeber to revel in the moment and keep aware of the unexpected beauty that is ever present.