mayseek life

thoughts...images...sensations...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

rear view mirror....

as i reflect back over this year i realize how full it has been--though i have felt my share of pain -i have felt incredible happiness and feel grateful to be alive.
2005 memories...
*nicoles visit, seeing baby emerald
*nate turned 18
*watching nates final varsity baseball season
*maya turned 13 and celebrates her bat mitzvah
*maya and i explore italy
*nick turns 16
*trip to peters valley in new jersey for journal making class with paulus
*nate starts university and moves to indiana
*spending time up north on burnham lake-shooting stars and mist in the morning
*sold my claywork at around the coyote art festival
*heard sakyong mipham teach
*experiencing life with fred
*joyful ordinary moments
* working with clay

*laughing , crying and communing with loving souls
*on and on......

i hope to experience in the coming year 2006
*travel and experience the richness of diverse cultures
*find my expression in clay while making a living
*build the house up north
*time in the woods
*attention and follow through on health and strengthening my body
* more connection with the people i value (if your reading your one!)
*attention and commitment to my meditation practice
*continued joy in reading,creating, collecting and smiling

Monday, December 26, 2005

so hard to let go....

after being gone for his first semester away at school-- i had just gotten used to his absence.
now he's been back for a short time and i'm happy. i like when he's here. i really like the nights that all three of the kids are asleep in their beds. i'll try to be present and not think about the day he leaves again..as nate has taught me--it's all good!

Friday, December 23, 2005

13yrs.....ah life!



i picked maya up from her first snowboarding trip earlier this evening. i'm glad she had a good time. though a bit sore- she enjoyed the day, and wants to go back for more. i feel happy to watch her experience life and grateful that she has the opportunity to take part in these activities. as i reminisce about my life some 38 years ago i was more than likely" hanging out" on the corner in the old neighborhood on a night such as this. when it got too cold we'd go warm up in the laundromat -until we were chased out. our lives at 13 are/were very different. i feel my soul strengthen watching her.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

winter solstice

return of the light to the world... the increase of light returns- ever so slowly. welcome back light-god! i recall the tale of persephone and demeter. we visit the underworld and being our own hero return. (maybe a little wiser)
"Persephone is the goddess of the underworld in Greek mythology. She is the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, goddess of the harvest. Persephone was such a beautiful young woman that everyone loved her, even Hades wanted her for himself. One day, when she was collecting flowers on the plain of Enna, the earth suddenly opened and Hades rose up from the gap and abducted her. None but Zeus, and the all-seeing sun, Helios, had noticed it.

Broken-hearted, Demeter wandered the earth, looking for her daughter until Helios revealed what had happened. Demeter was so angry that she withdrew herself in loneliness, and the earth ceased to be fertile. Knowing this could not continue much longer, Zeus sent Hermes down to Hades to make him release Persephone. Hades grudgingly agreed, but before she went back he gave Persephone a pomegranate (or the seeds of a pomegranate, according to some sources). When she later ate of it, it bound her to underworld forever and she had to stay there one-third of the year. The other months she stayed with her mother. When Persephone was in Hades, Demeter refused to let anything grow and winter began. This myth is a symbol of the budding and dying of nature. In the Eleusinian mysteries, this happening was celebrated in honor of Demeter and Persephone, who was known in this cult as Kore.
The Romans called her
Proserpine.
Her names means something like "she who destroys the light."

so as i glanced at my car's thermometer that reads 14 degrees i can take comfort knowing we are on our way to spring.............i will celebrate by eating a pomegranate with maya today....i might even share the story with her and watch her roll her eyes.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

grace

( burnham lake)

The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
—Wendell Berry

Sunday, December 18, 2005

a night at the opera


i went to the opera for the first time last night. very interesting. i enjoyed the music, the spectacle, the story -"the magic flute"(seemed ancient and a bit bizzare) and the people watching. often felt like i was not from that world-- and that in some way the opera crowd knew something i didn't (like i wasn't good enough--but when i feel like that happily it only takes a few minutes to remember that's old thinking and untrue). what is becoming clearer is the classist feeling i get when i realise the nature of opera in society. so, it was an evening that was wonderful and full. both positive and negative. my kind of experience!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

working on beliefs (always)

" your beliefs become your thoughts
your thoughts become your words
your words become your actions
your actions become your habits
your habits become your character
your character becomes your destiny."
mahatma gandhi

Monday, December 12, 2005

tree time.


i didn't think i had it in me this year to get this project going. i questioned why i do it, does anyone else in the house care? actually, nick asked last night, "when are we getting the tree?" so it had to be done today to make it worth while. first few steps are done, got the tree- it's up in the stand- lights (ugh) and ornaments(fun) will happen later. and i'm really happy!! i guess the moral is- sometimes a good thing takes work and sucks getting it done. and i am doing it for myself which is important.

Friday, December 09, 2005

simple

zen master suzuki roshi had said,
" knowing life is short,
enjoy it day after day-
moment after moment."

i like how simple the direction is.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

freeze


it continues to be bitterly cold.
i am finding myself becoming quieter and thinking of the past more than usual. this can be fun and interesting- and can often be sad. i examined a statue of a horse that i have from when i was a child and realized it may be the oldest possession i have. i then found a pic of when i got this item- from a dude ranch in indiana(that 's how the pic is labeled ) i was 8 years old in 1962. now that's going in pretty deep. must be the freeze.

Monday, December 05, 2005

monday-again.



freezing today--i get to do it all over today- i wake to my mind singing. so much to do-make this day everything i can imagine... la, la ,la.... then the chorus begins --why? who am i anyway?..ican't do it, i'm not able. la,la,la...yes, i can--- no, i can't. ..what a melody! today, i know this is ok..

so far this monday morning i have gotten myself to see the beauty of the lake steaming..had a good coffee, and will head to my studio to get 20 mins. of work done. this day can only handle 20 min chunks. and that is enough.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

downtown, saturday night.






city energy can vibrate!
enjoyed the fast pace, for a while. i like catching up with people after long absences. was happy
to head home.

Friday, December 02, 2005


heading home.



as i ponder where my work fits in...can i do it?
so many questions. i will let the answers develop and
trust myself.

a way of living


appreciation for the little
things...when i open to see
the beauty
i notice life.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Mitsuwa Marketplace.
this day leads to the enjoyable exploring of this huge
japanese market...so many interesting items. took
home this assortment of food..wonderful tastes!!!
favorite flavors of seaweed salad, maki roll,
and red bean paste cake. yum. reminds me of the brief
moments in kyoto.
who knows where tomorrow will take me?